She'll Return Home
by cutepeta
Summary: Delphine Cormier has seldom been afraid before. Actually, no. Scrap that. /Delphine/ Cormier has been afraid before many times. /Dr/ Cormier, however, has never had any time for fear. Until now.


Delphine Cormier has seldom been afraid before. Actually, no. Scrap that. _Delphine_ Cormier has been afraid before many times. _Dr_ Cormier, however, has never had any time for fear.

Until now.

-x-x-x-

Delphine has, she's discovered, two alter-egos. There's the first: simply just Delphine, absolute yet fallible human, fully capable of differentiating between right and wrong. This is the foundation of her being. Then there's the second, more complex layer which suppresses the first into silence: Dr Cormier, scientist, logical woman, prone to rationalising her actions above all else while dismissing her personal morality for what she sees as the greater good.

-x-x-x-

Delphine Cormier has been afraid. She was afraid on her first ever day of school. She was afraid when, in a heated argument between her parents, meaningless vases went flying and broke but the heart of her mother that broke along with them was irreplaceable. She was afraid when she was fourteen and boarding the plane to Canada with her recently-divorced mother, hoping to begin a new life and fearing her English wouldn't be strong enough to pull her through. She was afraid when she learnt that her "subject" was human, and a pretty damn beautiful human at that. She was afraid when she rummaged through the property of her subject, searching for answers in the name of science, and realised that maybe the previously distinct lines between "just Delphine" and "Dr Cormier" were starting to blur.

-x-x-x-

Dr Delphine Cormier was undeniably fucking _petrified_. She should have foreseen that this would spiral into chaos. As a scientist, she should have used observation and experience to pull the stops necessary to drag her out the shit before it became so awful. So awful not only for her, but for her subj- Cosima, Cosima's sisters and the little girl she wouldn't have even known existed if not for her meddling. Not that it would have mattered much whether she was there or not though, since Dyad had the tendency to fuck everything up anyway. Not that _she _mattered much, since as soon as her usefulness ran out, she was banished with little regard for her relationship with the woman she grew to love.

Cosima had quickly become one of the fibres of Delphine's universe. As far as she was aware, there was Time and Space and _Cosima_. But to Dyad she was still little more than the subject of an experiment in need of being fixed. Dyad wanted to fix her, not cure her. And to Dyad, Delphine was like a key that is handy until it breaks, and then when broken must be thrown far away to avoid inconvenience.

-x-x-x-

There was absolutely no way that this would be the end of her involvement in the hell she helped unleash. Even from Frankfurt, there were ways she could help. She _did _help. The itinerary she emailed proved to be the best reversal of her naïve mistake manageable from such a distance. She found out what happened following her departure later that night during a Skype conversation with Cosima.

There was Scott. Great Scott helping a relentless Cosima conspire right under Dyad's strengthening control. There was a weakening Cosima who didn't give in until she was sure Sarah and Kira were going to be okay. There was Cosima and Kira, and Cosima realising just how special the girl really is. There was Rachel. Rachel Duncan, powerful proclone, falling from grace with a pencil through the eye. There was Sarah running free with her daughter to the safe confines of Felix's apartment. There was a party about to go down that Delphine didn't wish to intrude on, but she's damn glad that Cosima is finally able to have a good time without anything dire threatening to tear shit apart again, if only for the one night.

But now that she was away from the drama, free from major distraction and able to think clearer, the intensity of what she had gotten into finally began to smack her in the face.

-x-x-x-

Dr Cormier had taken hold of the situation while with Cosima. She had a mission: cure Cosima, or fail her role as monitor. Well at least, this was what Delphine kept telling herself the longer she spent getting invested in business that shouldn't have ever gotten this messed up in the first place. _This is what happens when you mix emotion where it doesn't belong, _she thought. But she couldn't blame herself, not when she remembered the amount of times she laid in bed with Cosima by her side, realising that while her mind was Dyad's, her heart belonged to the woman wrapped up in her arms.

Then she realised. While _Dr_ Cormier was Dyad's, _Delphine_ Cormier was Cosima's. Both sides were working against each other until they collapsed inside of her. They collapsed, and she wasn't sure how to cope with the pressure of being crushed under them, so she decided to save Cosima at all costs without regard for whatever at Dyad got in her way. When even her subject, the _experiment,_ protested against her actions by sending her away, she finally accepted that morality had little priority anymore.

-x-x-x-

Contrary to Delphine Cormier, Dr Cormier was never afraid. Dr Cormier excelled at sciences in school. Dr Cormier graduated with killer grades. Dr Cormier attended university and met Aldous Leekie with excitement and enthusiasm for his teachings. Dr Cormier was ecstatic when she got a job at Dyad, convinced that it would be a breakthrough in her career and a source of financial support for her mother. She was passing through life with all the opportunities she could ever possibly want. Nothing could have prepared her for what her role at Dyad eventually became.

In hindsight, Delphine shuddered at how stupid she was for falling into the trap. For somebody once so eager to work with one of the biggest institutions in the world, she sure as hell was glad to get away. She just wished Cosima was with her, healthy and ready to put the past behind them both.

She would be return though. She wouldn't leave the first woman she's ever loved in the hands of men who don't know how to care for her as an actual _human being _rather than just "the science". The problem wasn't _how _she would get back to Cosima, but rather would she make it on time? Would she be able to beat the ticking clock inside of Cosima's body, counting down the seconds to- to what Delphine was determined not to allow under any circumstance.

-x-x-x-

Despite growing up to believe that science has an answer for almost every problem, there was a nagging feeling supressed deep into the back of Delphine's mind. It made her feel uneasy, to think that maybe science couldn't solve this mess. Maybe science itself is as cruel as Dyad. Maybe science isn't as infallible she first thought. Maybe science created a subject it couldn't maintain. Maybe science, though far more real than any religion would ever be to her, is as cold as a god that lacks omnibenevolence and omniscience.

Delphine didn't know what was going to happen but she knew that she would find a way at all costs to return to Cosima before it's too late. It wouldn't be straightforward, as her experience with Dyad has taught her, but with time and options running out she can't risk being cautious any longer.

The wild ride isn't anywhere near ending, and Delphine managed to recall what her girlfriend tells all the people who get themselves tangled up in the unfortunate mess.

_Welcome to the trip, man. _


End file.
